To the New Dads Or Partners Feeling Useless

01/11/2016
Father and baby hands for the new fathers and partners

I know that new dads or partners are not forgotten or left behind, not adored and respected.  Dads or partners are such a vital and integral part of our children’s upbringing and in my case, my husband had to be back at work almost immediately after our son was born. In the early days when baby does need mum a lot he sometimes felt like he wasn’t connecting with our son as much or wasn’t there enough.  But he was.

I remember when my husband and I found out we were having a baby.  We as mothers have 9 months of bonding with our baby while they grow inside.  Our babies move with our beat, they learn our routines of movement and sleep.  We already feel such a connection when they are born.  He used to talk to our baby and get excited when he felt our baby move.  He wanted to be a part of those early moments and make a connection with his voice.

I remember when our boy was born, my husband was up at the hospital every day as much as possible in between running a business.  He would stay late, bath our boy, hold him and watch him sleep.  The look of sheer admiration and joy on his face was enough for me to know he was totally smitten and besotted and would do anything from that moment on to protect our boy.  I remember in those early days at the hospital it was all about learning to feed them and lots of sleep. There were all these precious bonding moments and essential feeding time that we as mothers have to give, that sometimes he felt like there wasn’t much he could do.  But his bond was just beginning and his touch and voice alone was soothing to our boy.new dads and partners with a dad cuddling his children

I remember when at home, often when we had tried numerous techniques to get baby to sleep I would end up feeding him because I had tried everything else.  And for the most part, this often worked.  Mum had achieved and conquered!  The baby was asleep!  This would happen time and time again in our house and I could see that it deflated my husband a little bit.  He would often offer to take our boy for a walk in the pram when he was unsettled or bath him and sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn’t, but that happened to me too.  He was already part of being there for him and settling and soothing him when he needed it.

I remember there were nights that I was up every few hours with our son. He would get up and just stay up and wait for me to come back to bed.  He didn’t have to; he had to be at work the next day.  There was nothing he could really do but he just stayed up as a way of being supportive and showing that he was there for both of us.

I remember when I had a graze on my nipple so deep it was excruciating to breastfeed but I was only 2 weeks in and wanted to persevere. He couldn’t do anything but he told me how amazing I was, what a great mum I was and how strong I was.

I remember as my son got bigger he only wanted me and cried when I left.   It was just my face at that point he saw more.  There were so many huge smiles when daddy got home and he would sit and play with him, bath him and connect with him.

He didn’t realise at the time that all those times he lay on the bed chatting to our son, massaging his little legs and arms after a bath, stroking his head, rocking and patting him to sleep, kissing his forehead, being there for me, they were all sinking in and creating that bond.

 It just grew differently to my bond.

You can’t compare the bond or the way it grows.

new dads or partners with a dad in a park with his childrenDads or partners play such a vital role in our children’s lives.  I have now watched over the years as the bond between my son and husband and now between my husband and my daughter has grown and how different it is to my bond with them.  All the things that he did for them when they were babies has shaped and moulded them.  Their dad has been a constant from the beginning.

This from the very start has built the solid foundations of their relationship.  The nurturing and the love that he has always shown, has built the strong friendship and bond that they have now. The committed and dedicated father that he has always been is reflected in the love he gives to his family and they know he will always be there for them and that makes them feel secure and safe.  And most of all loved.

So in all those tiny moments, when your husband or partner may feel that it isn’t enough.  Tell them it is.  Because all those little moments from the very beginning will eventually all join and create the solid family bond that you have when they grow up.  It is an integral part of shaping their lives and the journey of your family and mine.

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26 Comments

  • Reply All Mum Said 12/02/2017 at 12:35 am

    Such a great post! People focus so much on new mums that they forget about dads.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 12/02/2017 at 8:29 am

      Thank you! Yes I think they do contribute so much but just like you said the early days it is all about the mum!

  • Reply Paula @ Easy Baby Life 08/11/2016 at 6:37 pm

    Our youngest only wanted MOM for several years. It was really difficult for my husband. And this was despite sharing the parental leave. Now things are much better and they have a great bond. But it can really take time! Great that you write about this!!

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 08/11/2016 at 9:45 pm

      Well I think that they don’t think the bond is forming when really it is, like you said it just takes more time! So glad they now have a great bond! It’s lovely to watch also. Thanks for reading xx

  • Reply Emily 05/11/2016 at 6:09 am

    I can totally relate to this. And now, my husband is the one home with the kids during the day.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 07/11/2016 at 8:27 am

      It is great that we can both carry out the parenting duties now. So different at the beginning when they rely on us! We alternate days that we look after the kids so we both get that opportunity 🙂

  • Reply Brianna 03/11/2016 at 4:21 am

    This is a beautiful post! I will have to let my partner read it, dads are so important but very different for sure in the way they parent and the way they bond. I’m so excited to watch the bonds grow between my partner and both my boys!

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 03/11/2016 at 9:24 am

      Thank you! Yes I think it’s important they know that we remember the little things and how valuable they were at that time xx

  • Reply Barbara 02/11/2016 at 6:27 pm

    That’s a beautiful post – what a great dad! Definitely a keeper ?

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 02/11/2016 at 10:19 pm

      Thank you so much! And yes I agree, definitely a keeper! xx

  • Reply Amy @ Handbagmafia 02/11/2016 at 6:16 pm

    This is lovely. I remember my husband when our youngest was born- he couldn’t get enough of the newborn cuddles 🙂

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 02/11/2016 at 10:19 pm

      Yes it is definitely a special time! In between all the feeding he definitely tried to grab as many as possible!

  • Reply Anna Brophu 02/11/2016 at 3:19 pm

    Actually felt quite emotional reading this and remembering those early days. So grateful he stepped up whenever I had to step down.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 02/11/2016 at 10:21 pm

      They are such a whirlwind aren’t they! Their relationship is harder at first but so important. We are lucky to have them xx

  • Reply Jam and Tea Blog 02/11/2016 at 2:51 pm

    Awe this is a great post. Thanks so much for sharing. It can be super hard for new dads.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 02/11/2016 at 10:25 pm

      sure can when they don’t feel as involved. They are great support though. Thanks for reading xx

  • Reply Kristen V 02/11/2016 at 11:58 am

    What an amazing husband!! I’m a bit envious. My other half didn’t handle the lack of sleep well (still doesn’t). But I can relate to he hurt I see when our boy always picks me over him. I know time is precious and that soon dad will be first and mom second, so I’m enjoying every last bit I can get from my sweet boy.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 02/11/2016 at 2:17 pm

      I think my husband has gotten worse on the sleep front! It is hard when they only want us when they cry but it definitely becomes all about daddy soon enough! I love that my 7 year old boy still wants special cuddles with just me in the morning. Definitely precious moments xx

  • Reply Crystal 02/11/2016 at 11:12 am

    This is a fantastic post. It’s so sweet to see dad’s bonding and connecting with children.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 02/11/2016 at 2:15 pm

      Thanks so much! It is really nice to seem them making that connection. We teach them such different things xx

  • Reply Chelsea @ The Johnsons Plus Dog 02/11/2016 at 8:57 am

    What a sweet post. One of my favorite things about being a mom is watching my husband with our son.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 02/11/2016 at 9:23 am

      Thank you! Yes, it is lovely to watch their relationship grow too xx

  • Reply Cate 01/11/2016 at 1:08 pm

    Such a beautiful post. Sounds just like what we went through over here. Emma loves her daddy so much, and their bond is beautiful.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 02/11/2016 at 7:44 am

      Thank you so much! Yes their bond grows so differently but is so beautiful to watch how much they dote on their dad! xx

  • Reply Jacq Writes World 01/11/2016 at 9:02 am

    Great post Suzy! I can definitely relate to this. And I’m so thankful for my husband. ❤️

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 01/11/2016 at 9:06 am

      Thank you! It can be hard for them in the beginning but yes we are lucky to have such actively involved husbands xx thanks for reading. 🙂

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