Recently a woman put up a legitimate question on a forum that consists of mostly mums and wives, and lots of them. She made mention that she made her husbands sandwiches each day and was asking for some new sandwich ideas. Not a ridiculous question in my opinion as I often think the same thing about making sandwiches for my kids. The turn around between cheese and jam is high in our household. The post drew hundreds of comments which made you wonder exactly how many sandwich options were out there.
But the comments weren’t helpful sandwich suggestions, in fact, the number of sandwich suggestions she did receive could be counted on one hand. The hundreds of comments she did receive related to what kind of wife she was. Apparently, a 1950’s one. She also received hundreds of comments referring to her as a slave. Further comments were so insulting and hurtful that it made several newspapers around the world. Women were literally tearing strips off her because “we didn’t sign up for that at the alter”, or “doesn’t he have two arms” and they were the tame ones. Shock horror that in 2017 there was a woman in a home that made sandwiches for her husband. The fire and sticks came out and this woman was jumped on by a pack of wolves horrified that such a thing still existed in this day and age.
Someone even commented by saying “I do his laundry and keep his kids alive, stuff making sandwiches”. Keep his kids alive? The attitude that somehow we have been assigned this tireless job is gobsmacking in my opinion. We don’t do these things because we are forced to, we do them because we love our kids and we want a healthy, clean, happy household. We are not forced to carry out these duties and the attitude of these people towards their families and children is actually slightly concerning to me.
What surprised me the most was that when I first heard about the sandwich saga my first impression was that this woman cared about her husband and was doing something nice for him. I mean, isn’t that what she was doing? Does making sandwiches for your husband mean that you are below him? That you are not respected on the same level as your husband? That you are just the hired help? Is this really what we have resorted to? You can’t even make a sandwich for your husband without being mocked and insulted. Are you allowed to iron your husbands’ shirts as something nice to do for him or is that deemed as slave labour as well? And god forbid on the weekend when I am cleaning the house and my husband is doing the gardening (note gender roles at their finest in my house) and I make him a sandwich or bring him a cold glass of water I better make sure I have taken my apron off and put my lipstick and perfume on.
In my opinion, this whole feminism thing is just going too far. We are taking it to a whole other level and turning simple, kind gestures that we do for our husbands into some sort of degradation of our rights.
I am all for woman’s rights and women being equal but come on people!!! I have had periods of time over my marriage where one of us has been at home more than the other. During these times, I saw our roles as a team. While I was the person at home more I didn’t see it as being some sort of slave, I saw it as doing jobs that simply had to be done. Just as my husband did jobs that had to be done. I did not at any time think that I was being a 1950’s housewife and even if I was, is that such a bad thing? During these times I kept the house in order because I appreciated my husband was working hard all day and I did the jobs that were required to be done, the shopping, the laundry, vacuuming, tidying up and took care of the kids. Perhaps I was a crappy wife because I should have made sandwiches for him and I wasn’t.
But if I had made sandwiches it would have been because I love him and I want him to know how appreciated he is.
The thing that I didn’t appreciate about these people mocking this poor woman is that they have no idea about her marriage. They have no idea about what her husband does or how he contributes and if she wants to make his sandwiches every day then I see that as a beautiful gesture of love.
I bet she puts a love heart on the top of his sandwich every day.
Without knowing anything about this woman, her husband or her family they cast judgment based on one thing this woman does for her husband. Perhaps it’s the only the thing she does for her husband. If she had written in the same post “by the way I don’t do his laundry, I don’t cook dinner for him and I don’t do any housework” would people have said the same comments? Or she should have written, “I make his sandwiches for work while I am also making my own sandwiches for when I go to my job also so we both don’t have to eat out every day”. Would this have made it more acceptable to the judgy mums and their modern 2017 attitudes?
She did end up defending herself and her husband by stating that he actually did a lot around the house. I don’t feel she should have had to defend herself. What is wrong in this day and age if there is one parent working and one person in the home? Have we forgotten that in many households it wasn’t about the woman being less of a person than a man or that she was a slave to him? It was about partnership and teamwork. It was about keeping the house in order and earning a dollar and all contributing because we like having money to do things and we like having a clean house!!! Do we really have to resort to shaming a woman because she makes sandwiches for her husband? We spend so much time nitpicking people to pieces, having a go at people because of simple choices or decisions they make. This woman shouldn’t be made to feel like she is degrading herself and being JUST a wife, she should be celebrated and applauded for being a kind-hearted, supportive and caring woman.
So, what kind of wife are you? Perhaps the keyboard warriors should take a step away from the keyboard, go put some lippy on and make their husbands a nice cup of tea just because they love them and well, just because.