Yes, You’ve Got Your Judgy Pants On

16/08/2016

We all do it.  There are times all through the week that yes, you’ve got your judgy pants on.  I do it, there is no point acting or saying that we don’t.  Lately, it seems that the trend is to write about all these people and  judge and comment and gasp at the horribly outrageous things that other mums do, other parents do or just other people do.  But let’s face it.  We all do it, just some of us choose to vent it all over social media and other people keep it to themselves.

We all get our judgy pants on from time to time because it makes us feel better about our mistakes and our own lives.  It makes us sometimes feel good that someone else is failing at something instead of us.  We have all scoffed at what someone else has been wearing, or the colour of someone’s hair, their weight.  We have judged the mother snapping at her child, or for not snapping at their child or the contents of their shopping trolley.  We judge people on their looks.  And anyone who can tell me they haven’t judged someone’s driving or parallel parking is just plain lying!

Now a lot of people are getting angry at the judgy people because it’s not right to judge others when we don’t know their circumstances, and this is true.  There have been many stories on the news lately of dangerous situations that children have been put in with terrible outcomes.  But what if to some degree the judgy pant brigade was a good thing?  Now before you get your judgy pants on with me, please bear with me.  The reason why I say this is that often, it does actually get the community talking.  Perhaps instead of the judgy people completely removing their judgy pants altogether we could just have discussions to both support the person we are talking about and perhaps ways to do it differently next time.

Judgy pant people get the community discussing issues or situations that perhaps do need talking about.  It opens people up for discussion, sometimes when I discuss things with people particularly things that we have seen lately on social media, it opens me up to other people’s opinions and ideas.  Often because of this discussion I have ended up learning something new – sometimes good and sometimes bad but it got me thinking and that’s a good thing.  I had my own opinion on the matter and then I found out someone else’s and I learnt and grew from this discussion.judging

Now in saying all this, I do reiterate I am not saying you throw your pants off and have a swing at people, post it on social media and really lash out at how bad this person was.  That is why they get a bad rap as they should, and let’s face it no one is perfect.  We all make mistakes so I don’t really understand why the judgy brigade are quite so judgy when I am sure there is dirt to be found on them too, or maybe their friends are just too nice to plaster it all over Facebook.

Perhaps we can all learn how to judge people better.  To think more about how and why we judge people.  There is always going to be those people out there and they are always going to judge, it’s what we as humans do.  But instead of projecting our judginess we can think about how we would handle the situation.  Discuss the issue for sure.  Talk to your friends because this will often open your eyes to views and thoughts you had never thought about.  We can all learn something from another person and another situation.

 We are all here to learn.

Let’s flip it back on the judgy people and use it to everyone’s advantage, not for judging how someone was but opening up the discussion to be constructive and improve the way we are.  Or just accept that things happen and no one is perfect and discuss that.

So are you prepared to use your judgy pants for the good?

where are your judgy pants

 

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60 Comments

  • Reply Catherine 01/09/2016 at 7:51 am

    I appreciate it when someone close to me calls me out when I’m being judgy (in a nice way, anyway!). It helps me be more aware and compassionate, even if I’m annoyed in the moment.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 01/09/2016 at 9:52 am

      Yes absolutely! If you become aware you might be being judgy then hopefully it opens up the discussion and like you said, be more compassionate. It is hard sometimes though that is for sure!

  • Reply Lauren 22/08/2016 at 7:43 pm

    That’s a great perspective!

    Times have changed the way the word ‘judge’ or ‘judgement’ are used. To judge simply means to form an opinion. The meaning has been twisted to mean something like making a negative assessment of a persons worth, based on an isolated incident. The reality is that not all judgement is negative.

    It’s important that we identify through thought processes and have discussions about what information we use to make decisions. This is how ethics and morals come about, how our society can identify what actions and behaviours are acceptable and what are not.

    Anyway, before I step down from my soapbox, I like your idea of judging for good. I would like to take it a step further and say we could judge behaviour and actions, rather than individuals. I might crash into a parked car one time. It doesn’t have to mean that I deserve to wear the label of a bad driver for life, it just means that on that day my driving was not good.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 22/08/2016 at 9:15 pm

      Absolutely. I think it is about discussing the behaviour or action and not singling out the person. And you are right. The meaning of the word judge has changed and is now deemed a negative thing and it shouldn’t be. And thanks for standing on your soap box, I really enjoyed hearing your thoughts and views on this. Thanks for reading 🙂

  • Reply Shari from GoodFoodWeek 22/08/2016 at 6:53 pm

    I think it is also so easy to judge when you don’t actually know the person – like on social media. I think that we all need to take a little step back and think, am I seeing the whole story and yes ‘can I learn from this situation’. Also, congratulations on getting such an awesome dialogue going in your comments section 🙂

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 22/08/2016 at 9:10 pm

      That is so true, it is so easy to be critical from a computer or phone. Absolutely, we can learn from situations rather than judge. Thank you! I am loving hearing other people’s opinions and comments, cause I have lots to learn too. 🙂

  • Reply Julia Groves 21/08/2016 at 1:15 am

    I agree it is important to make judgements and open those dialogues od discussion. We just need to be more understanding and less condemning as we do so. Also, we need to make sure that as we make day to day judgements we make them from a standpoint of Love.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 22/08/2016 at 7:27 am

      Absolutely. We can try at least. Thank you for your input and comments. Definitely if we can do more from love it would help.

  • Reply Megan 20/08/2016 at 1:09 pm

    This is incredibly insightful! Sometimes it’s okay to judge something as wrong, but you’re right that the judgment needs to open up a dialogue rather than squash it.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 20/08/2016 at 2:26 pm

      Thank you! That’s exactly right, it is okay to judge but we definitely need to do it in a better way. 🙂

  • Reply Alyssa Knee 20/08/2016 at 10:04 am

    Great post! I agree that everyone judges others or situations, anyone who says they don’t is a big fat liar! I catch myself doing it, and always try and pull myself up/think about it from another’s perspective. There’s great potential for judging to be turned into something positive, and like you say to facilitate discussion, unfortunately I don’t see that happening too often especially on social media.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 20/08/2016 at 2:25 pm

      No I agree with you, social media unfortunately allows the negative people to hide and probably be even ruder and hateful. No one is perfect and all of us can learn something. Thanks for reading. 🙂

  • Reply Lauren 18/08/2016 at 6:51 am

    At first I wasn’t sure where you were going with this, but then I loved it! You made a great point and did it in a light hearted and funny way! Thanks of sharing and I’m def going to reconsider how I wear my judgy pants. 🙂

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 18/08/2016 at 7:07 am

      Oh thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it and was worried at first that people would understand the point I was trying to make. It would be great if we could more supportive of each other. Thanks for reading and yes we all need to thinking about our pants more often! 🙂

  • Reply Vanessa Sokic 18/08/2016 at 1:21 am

    Yes!!! It’s so true. I am very very guilty of judgin someone parallel parking too! We used to live in Los Angeles and would sit on our porch just to be entertained by it. ? I’m a terrible person.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 18/08/2016 at 7:15 am

      Ha ha I love your honesty!! Yes I think we have ALL done that and no you are not a terrible person at all. Thanks for reading and sharing. 🙂

  • Reply Shannon 17/08/2016 at 9:43 pm

    So much of the the time, we need to judge not the individual but society. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with that person?” we should ask “What’s the system the person was within that influenced that decision?” For example, when we see someone who doesn’t make much money buying junk food, we should think about how produce is so expensive and junk food is subsidized instead of complaining about their bag of Doritos. Thinking that way can lead to productive change in a way that judging a person can’t.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 10:51 pm

      That is a really valid point Shannon. The questions need to be the right questions too and worded in the right way to make for any constructive discussion and like you stated productive change. I am hoping that when the judgy people, as they will continue to be, make their judgy comments we can turn it around on them and turn it into useful and more productive discussion. And I agree with you that it isn’t always the individual but society as a whole. I really appreciate your input and comments. It is food for thought for me.

  • Reply Amy @ HandbagMafia.net 17/08/2016 at 9:23 pm

    I wrote on this a while back. We all judge. It’s what we do about it that matters!

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 10:48 pm

      Exactly right! I would love to read what you have written about it, I love reading your articles. Thanks for reading. 🙂

  • Reply Breharne 17/08/2016 at 1:30 pm

    Your exactly right there is a “positive” to judgements, i never thought of that side of it before.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 8:50 pm

      Oh cool! I was hoping I got the right point across but we do need to look at it from a different view and try and use it constructively. That’s my plan anyway! Thanks for reading. 🙂

  • Reply Anna Brophy 17/08/2016 at 12:49 pm

    Totally a case of choosing our words carefully. We can disagree in a manner that still shows respect for another person’s opinion. Really valid points, here.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 8:46 pm

      So true, being more considerate and wording things in a way that is constructive and not critical. I am glad you thought they were valid, I was hoping I got the right point across! Thanks for reading. 🙂

  • Reply Amanda 17/08/2016 at 12:24 pm

    This is a great perspective!! We will always judge because we will always do wrong. We are not perfect. But, we can choose to “judge” in a way that helps others, rather than being snide or making comments that do no good. Thanks for sharing this and making me think about it!!

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 8:45 pm

      Thanks so much Amanda! It is about choosing to judge better and hopefully trying to turn it into something positive. Thanks for reading. 🙂

  • Reply Tajuana Paige 17/08/2016 at 10:03 am

    Well done!!! Well said. I love it! Yes we all judge and I have put on my judgy pants more times than I care to admit but I do admit that I have. I work every day to step back and access before I judge and make sure that my hands are clean.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 10:10 am

      Thank you so much fo your kind words! Yes I think we all could admit we do it a fair bit! Always important to step back and really think before we judge. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your views. 🙂

  • Reply Angela 17/08/2016 at 9:48 am

    People will always judge, the problem these days is social media and the fact that this behavior is more public and has a good chance of becoming viral. Never ever comment or say something on social media you would not say to someones face. Play nice!!

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 10:04 am

      Such a great point. Social media is something we are all still navigating and just like you said you never know where it will end up! I agree play nice. It is easy to tap away on a keyboard. Thanks for your input, I really appreciate and value them. 🙂

  • Reply The Year Of The Daffodil 17/08/2016 at 8:08 am

    Great post. I agree, we all judge at times, especially when we make assumptions and don’t look at the reasons behind the situation we are judging. More and more these days, I am learning (like MamaGuru wrote) to examine my thoughts and challenge myself. It is so so easy to jump to the negative but you are so right, when we talk about it, we learn so much and are better equipped to love and care for others.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:28 am

      Exactly. I have learnt so much from listening to other people over the years. In my twenties I use to think my ideas and views were the best but thankfully I have mellowed and take things on board now. I love learning from other people. You grow so much more. Thanks for reading and inputting. 🙂

  • Reply Justine Y @ Little Dove 17/08/2016 at 7:45 am

    I wrote a post awhile ago about judgment. But in it I mentioned that judging others is not necessarily where the problem lies, it’s really more when we condemn those people, which is what we see so often with the severe lashing out about actual or perceived injustices. Enjoyed your thoughts on this, thank you.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:30 am

      That is exactly right and such a good point. It is about the condemning and lashing out. I would love to read what you have written as well, so I will pop over and check it out. Thanks for reading. 🙂

  • Reply Jennifer Hamra 17/08/2016 at 7:18 am

    I agree with you. Unfortunately, with the trend of using social media, many people do say a lot of negative and very hateful things about others. I think you’re right, we need to turn the judging around to form more constructive conversations and support others.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:33 am

      Great point about social media and I think we are all still on a huge learning curve with how to use it properly and in a good way. It saddens me that we can put people down when sometimes it is something that could so easily happen to any of us. Thankfully so far the people I have come across have been wonderful and supportive but I am sure at some point I will come across a few. Thanks for reading and sharing your views. 🙂

  • Reply Christin 17/08/2016 at 6:13 am

    ?? Yep I’m not afraid to admit that I judge and so does everyone else. Great, honest post.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:35 am

      Absolutely, and to some degree it does help us learn and grow. Thanks so much for reading. 🙂

  • Reply Jen 17/08/2016 at 5:43 am

    I like this. I typically end my posts with something like “tell me how you see it” and I really mean that. I agree with you that if we could have a discussion, then there’s a possibility that we could either have something to say that might change someone’s opinion, or at the least, get someone thinking in new ways, even if they never fully agree with you. It is possible to agree to disagree, but emotions get in the way, then feelings get hurt, and walls go up. We have to be open to conversation without angry/degrading judgment. Great post!

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:37 am

      That is exactly right. I love hearing different opinions as I still feel I have a lot to learn and yes I like it when people share back. We can agree to disagree and be respectful of each other. And you are right about emotions, they too often do get in the way! I am glad you liked it, thank you and I loved hearing your opinions and view in return. 🙂

  • Reply Suzanne Hines 17/08/2016 at 4:54 am

    These are some seriously good thoughts! Every time I catch myself judging someone I try to ask myself if I really know the whole situation, or how I would want someone to think of me on my worst days. It really helps me flip my thoughts around pretty quickly!

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:41 am

      Thank you! So many times especially in the media we never ever hear the full story and yes it is important to step back sometimes and try that sometimes it isn’t so black and white. It does make you flip pretty quickly! Thanks for reading and I really appreciate your input. 🙂

  • Reply Megan 17/08/2016 at 2:14 am

    Once I had my kid, I have attempted to stop myself from negatively judging people as I may have done in the past, without thinking. I also am finding that I correct those around me when they start negatively judging people out loud in front of my son. I don’t want my son to grow up thinking that it’s ok to judge others and I know that it will probably happen anyway, but maybe I can curb it a little by not having myself or others do it and let him know that we don’t have a right to judge others and others don’t have a right to judge him.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:43 am

      That is such a good point. Children listen more than we think and we also try to be mindful what we discussed in front of our kids. It is so easy before kids to judge and also after having kids. Having children is such a minefield as everyone has an opinion on how to parent! Such a good point to raise with teaching our kids about judgement. This is definitely something I will work on and think about too. Thanks so much for sharing. 🙂

  • Reply Ashley 17/08/2016 at 2:14 am

    This was an interesting read! It definitely made me think. I like the idea of using our judgy tendencies for good – flipping the script! I try to catch myself when I begin to have a judgmental thought and stop, but taking it a step beyond and examining WHY I’m having that thought and how I could change my perspective to one of compassion it even better. Thank you!

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:44 am

      Ha ha love your saying flipping the script! I think that is exactly right. None of us are perfect so it is about stepping back and examining why and trying to have compassion even if we don’t agree. Such an important thing to do. Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂

  • Reply Sandra 17/08/2016 at 12:18 am

    I we need to stop being so easily offended and be more willing to say, “What could I learn from…” when someone judges us. Being judged can be painful but some times I need to be judged before I am able to see a different point of view

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:46 am

      This is a really good point. I like that you are looking at it from the person being judged. I agree so much that we are often so easily offended now and it really is important to say what can I learn from this. This is how we change and try and be better people. It certainly can be painful but we can also learn so much. Thanks for your comments and thoughtful insight. I enjoyed looking at this from a different point of view too. 🙂

  • Reply Stacy Norton 16/08/2016 at 11:36 pm

    Great story! Correct we do all judge at some point or another!

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:47 am

      We do and so great if we can use it for good rather than bad. Thanks for reading. 🙂

  • Reply Mommy Little 16/08/2016 at 11:29 pm

    I, like everyone else, am prone to judge people at times. Its not something I’m proud of, but what happens after that snap judgment is a choice that I need to be more aware of! I should try to be better about remembering my short comings as well, because nothing makes you less prone to judge others like remembering how crappy I can be too.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:49 am

      What a great point. Yes we do all judge and none of us will stop. That is humans. But that is right, we are all human and can all make mistakes or doing something silly or as you put it, be pretty crappy!! Such a good point and an important thing to try to do. Thanks so much fo reading and your views. I am enjoying reading them. 🙂

  • Reply kim 16/08/2016 at 11:13 pm

    Perfectly said. I needed to hear this too – it’s so hard not to judge when people post things that make you question. If we can take one minute to see their side before jumping to conclusions, imagine what could happen. Great post!

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:50 am

      Thank you so much. I think judging has its place and as long as it is used for good and not for bad then like you said imagine what could happen. We could all learn more. Thanks for reading. 🙂

  • Reply cheryl 16/08/2016 at 10:09 pm

    This is a great article and I see this in my mom all the time. She was a total failure at life and being a mom but instead of just picking up and trying to do better now, she sits back and judges people and cuts people out of her life if they are “too good”. Unfortunately my kids are “too good” for her. I will definitely watch it in my life.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 17/08/2016 at 9:54 am

      I am so sorry to hear your thoughts about your mum. Such an important relationship in your life that can affect so many things especially when you are little and grown up. It is sad that she has made that choice and it sounds like her loss to not have a relationship with you or your children. I hope that you can build quality relationships and know that you can move forward and do better. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts.

  • Reply Mamaguru 16/08/2016 at 9:28 pm

    That’s an interesting perceptive. Quite a flip on the conventional way of thinking. In my life I have learned the most from observing my own judgments and challenging them by asking myself why I am passing judgement and if there could be a reason for that person’s actions I haven’t thought of, and inviting compassion into my heart.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 16/08/2016 at 9:37 pm

      Thanks so much for reading and for your comments. I think that definitely when we pass judgement on others we should ask ourselves why we are and I think that when people do pass judgement as we all do, it opens up a conversation which does potentially allow you to see a reason that you may not have thought of. I think that by conversation it may open up more compassion in people’s hearts. At least that what I hope for is that it is used for good and not for bad. 🙂

  • Reply Debbie 16/08/2016 at 9:07 pm

    Great piece. Everybody judges, whether they like to acknowledge it or not 🙂 It’s what we do in that moment that makes a difference. You never know whose just had the crappiest morning or who has just had to deal with the threenanger meltdown from hell. A smile instead of a disapproving look can go a long way.

    • Reply In The Lyons Den 16/08/2016 at 9:39 pm

      Thank you and yes that is exactly right. We don’t know all the circumstances often and by opening up conversation and commenting or “judging”, it hopefully allows people to talk and maybe see things from another perspective. 🙂 Thanks for reading.

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